"Mom, my belly won't stop hurting. It's like someone is stabbing me."

This is what Anna wrote on the white board this morning when I was out of the room. It is not the first time she has described the feeling in her stomach as "stabbing".  It's not even the first time she has written that on the white board.

She has had several CF clinic appointments since I last wrote. And though her lungs seem to be doing well, her weight continues to be an issue.  Though she doesn't complain of stomach aches everyday, one could understand having a hard time eating up to par if "stabbing" pain may follow.  The pain seems to be random as we can never discern the cause (a certain item eaten, not enough enzymes taken?). This is frustrating. No one likes to have a symptom without a cause, because then how can you predict it or change it? When this sharp pain comes, she usually lays down on the floor with a pillow under her belly. She often will take her school book right down on the floor in front of her and keep plowing through her work the best that she can.

This last time at the clinic when her weight did not improve in the way that they wanted, (1/2 lb. a month is minimum) they said she had to come back in in six weeks (instead of three months) and she may have to go on a medication to increase her appetite. (I hate the idea of adding another medication.)  If that doesn't work.... maybe a feeding tube?  No one has said that out loud yet, but I remember reading that somewhere along the line.

I could go into all the ways I try to get her to eat- the bribing, the threatening, the praying- or I could estimate how many times I have heard, "I'm not hungry" but that would be too much to tell. I don't know how to add more calories/fat as I having tried all the suggestions they have given me. (Though I added a new trick recently that I thought of myself- I have been giving her a fancy shot glass and asking her to shoot heavy whipping cream!)

To look at her, well, I think she looks fine. Just a regular eight-year-old, a little tall for her age. Really quite pretty. But all messed up on the inside... Oh, but her heart- now that is something else....
Tonight during prayer before bedtime, she crawled up into my lap and said, "I need a hug! I only got two hugs today and I need fifteen!"  But she wasn't really taking a hug from me, she was giving one.