Nine Months Later....

Nine months since I have written.... can it really be that long? Where did the time go? I have thought about writing, I have thought, "This would be a good thing to share about Anna," I have thought that I did write, but I guess I didn't.

In the spring the CF doctor wanted her to go back on Pulmozyme, I side stepped it. But went through all the doubt and worry again anyway. I thought about writing about that.

In June Anna said to me, "Maybe I won't have cystic fibrosis when I am ten." I explained to her that it will always be there as part of her body. She thought about that for a moment then said, "Maybe when I am twelve." I thought about writing about that.

In July, she took an antibiotic for the first time in a year, for a night cough that wouldn't go away. It did. I thought about writing about that.

In August I was in a fret about Anna being exposed to another CF child in her brothers' swim class who has a rare bacteria that they don't know how to treat. The thought of Anna getting a bacteria like that almost made me sick.  I thought about writing about that.

Now, I am concerned about a family trip coming up in December- putting Anna on a plane full of germs, traveling with her medicines and equipment, praying she is in good health so that we don't have to use that traveler's insurance we haven't bought yet.

On the 15th of this month, the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows, Anna and I went to her CF appointment.  I had left later than I intended for the hour plus drive to the hospital, and I felt overwhelmed to near tears. The morning had been typically stressful and now I was fighting heavy traffic to get to what is always an emotional experience for me- facing the reality of CF.   For some reason I remembered what the priest had said at mass earlier that morning. He said that even Mary, the most perfect and holy mother, was not spared sorrow.  What struck me though was when the priest pointed out that each of those sorrows was suffered because of her being the mother of Christ- being His mother brought those sorrows into her life.  As I hurried along with Anna on the busy highway, I thought, “This is my sorrow, to have a child with cystic fibrosis. As her mother I will watch her suffer just like Mary watched and entered into suffering and sorrow for love of her Son. If God did not spare Mary sorrow, if it was her great love that made her pain so keen, then I too must walk with Mary for the love of my child."  May He grant me supernatural grace along the way.