Feb. 3, 2012

The Anniversary

I knew this date was coming up.  I’ve thought about it quite a bit. And yet, as this anniversary of Anna’s hospitalization has arrived, I still feel, I don’t know, like something is lurking under the surface of my day.

It was a whole year ago, but it was one horrible week in the life.  I am very grateful that as this date

has come again, Anna is well and other than being finicky about eating (which is a worry since she
has to keep her weight up), she is a bouncing blond-curly-haired toddler ready to make typical trouble (she had her first lay-on-the-ground tantrum just yesterday).

One scene from our hospital stay has haunted me this entire year. There was a nurse, one of many, who was holding Anna.  She pointed to the top and back of Anna’s little head and said with finality, “Here. Here is where you can kiss this child.” I remember looking at her in confusion and then it sank in. She was telling me that it was not safe to kiss my child…..

Throughout this year I have struggled with that memory- as I snuck a kiss on her forehead, her little cheek, her neck. I have struggled when I was feeding her and she would stretch out her arms to my face and want to touch my nose or put her fingers in my mouth. I have thought, “Am I jeopardizing her health with my affection?”  It has been a process of letting go, but I have come to realize that I cannot NOT show my love and affection to this amazingly precious, beautiful, dynamic, sweet,

and totally loveable child. I will probably never kiss her on the lips, and I will keep my distance if I am not feeling well, but I will and I have planted a kiss on nearly every part of her body! She is mine and I am hers.

Wende